How to Control the Voices in Your Head in 5 Steps

There are 2 kinds of voices in your head - the proverbial devil (ego)/angel (love).

The ego voice speaks first, it speaks loudest, and its purpose is to keep you stuck, keep you loyal, keep you feeling small. This voice acts like its in charge. If left unchecked, the ego voice take control of our lives and keep us fearful and loyal to a negative belief system.

The contrast, is the loving voice inside of you, your inner guide, your loving voice, that knows you deserve it all, knows that you are amazing, knows that you can have a life beyond your wildest dreams.

So – how do you know which voice is which, and how do you know how to turn down the ego so that the loving voice, the one that will lead you to the right decision, can speak up?


Observe what you are doing, thinking, feeling, saying when negative voices take over. Pay attention to tension or discomfort in your body. Considering when/where/how/who are triggers for you will allow you to be prepared.

Step 2 – STOP

If you feel triggered, allow your self to stop and take a deep breath. Acknowledge the presence of any negative voices. Try to avoid judgment. Be mindful of the moment.

Step 3 –LISTEN

When you are able to quiet your mind, you are able to connect to a part of you that is always there, you inner guide, your loving voice, your best self. This part of you loves you and will always lead you to the best possible outcome. Learning to connect to and listen to this inner voice requires stillness. Meditation and journaling are my go-to, but exercise, gardening, dancing or even washing dishes can allow for quiet moments where your inner guide is able to speak out. Find out what works for you.

Step 4 – CHOOSE

You can now decide how you would prefer the conversation to go instead. Focus on what you want, as opposed to what you don’t want. Replace can’t/won’t/don’t/should with can/will/do/want. Choose to connect with that loving voice inside you, be willing to hear it, and you will.


We can never totally get rid of that fear-based ego voice in our head, and that’s Ok. When we know what ego sounds and feels like, we can use that as a trigger to choose again. The ego voice can provide contrast to help us figure out what it is that we really want. Decide that this voice is not your enemy, but rather a tool to help lead to you happiness.

With the knowledge that we can change the conversation, choose differently and commit to love, we are able to take control of our thoughts, and not the other way around.