Practical Tools When Trying to Conceive
The day a fertility doctor diagnosed me with “infertility” was a tough one. With each passing month I wasn’t pregnant I sunk deeper and deeper into a depression.
I didn’t want to see friends, family events were hard, and even going out in public was challenging, as it seemed that pregnant women and babies were deliberately put in my path just to trigger me into tears. Life felt overwhelming as a commitment to my fertility soon became a full time. One, albeit, that had me paying out thousands a month.
Negative thoughts were playing on a loop in my head:
“You will never have children.” “You are being punished.” “Your body is failing you.”
It was the worst time in my life and on top of that, no one seemed to be talking about infertility, or when they did, they didn’t have the right thing to say to me. No one I knew was going through the same thing – I truly felt alone.
This fertility story does, however, have a happy ending: I now have two amazing healthy children. This is how I turned a painful experience into one of hope and opportunity:
I was at a party one Sunday afternoon where a friend announced her pregnancy. I managed to stick around for an hour, but when I was no longer able to hold back the tears, or feelings of jealousy, I had to leave. I had been trying to conceive for over a year and a half at that time.
Upon returning home, I crumbled to a heap on my bedroom floor. In desperation I got down on my knees (literally) and prayed to God, to the Universe, to angels, to anything and anyone who might be listening.
For the first time on this journey, my intuition, my loving voice was speaking loudly and clearly, and perhaps for the first time, I was ready to listen.
I heard this message so clearly: There is a better way, you will be a mom, you just need to trust and have faith. You are going through this to help other women.
In that moment, I made a commitment to love, to myself, to my future children, and to my future clients. Fear was no longer welcome at the table.
I began declaring to the Universe daily that I am ready to be happy, ready to be a parent.
I would talk to my future baby, telling her how excited I was to meet her. I wrote a story about my journey, and how I went on to conceive a healthy, happy baby with ease. I reread that story every day.
Instead of having the sight of a pregnant woman cause me to spiral down, I chose to see this as a sign that what I want is on its way. If it’s possible for her, I told myself, it’s possible for me too.
My husband and I also started to make a list of 10 things we were grateful for every night. It wasn’t always easy to focus on the good when something I wanted so badly was not happening, but I knew that feeling bad felt bad and I wanted to feel GOOD.
I forced myself to focus on what I WANT, breaking the pattern of focusing on what was wrong. I would wear an elastic band on my wrist and would gently snap it when my focus would begin to spiral to remind to me focus on how I wanted to feel instead.
I realized that Happiness was a choice I needed to make by myself, every day, and I was committed. Slowly, the miracles began to add up. I was smiling again, feeling good, and enjoying life truly for the first time in years.
Unsurprising, I conceived my children from the place of this mindset. F* my "infertility" diagnosis.
Life is full of challenges, unexpected and unplanned. It’s not about what happens to us that defines us, it’s how we choose to deal with them.